Same as always

It’s Wednesday again and I’ve been thinking about my sense of continuity, as if I’ve remained the same within, regardless of years piling up. Others tell me they experience this too.

While walking one evening last week I suddenly realized I was intensely happy. Full of joy. There was nothing unusual about the evening, no change in my husband’s illness, just my legs carrying me along, and the sky blue and decorated with clouds, and roadside flowers — especially poppies — in abundance. I gathered a thick handful of grasses and blooms, enough for two bouquets. IMG_0102I can’t manufacture moments like this, they come unbidden now and then, have done so as far back as I remember. (Which isn’t to say there aren’t habits one can cultivate for a “regular” joyful life.) They seem to rise from existence itself, from a momentary and holy forgetting of every other fact or circumstance. They seem completely unattached to age. For example, I could say the joy of that evening felt like young to me, but that wouldn’t be accurate enough because as a child I might have labelled a similar awareness older, or possibly profound, which I would have judged as older and better than others believed I was. In other words, in the self where life seems known most deeply, age mixes and plays or simply disappears.

Yesterday, in a tiny plaza in Vancouver I saw hanging umbrellas, and their protective and humorous shape and colours — the whole notion of umbrellas with their capacity to fold and unfold — offered a visual for joy and the continuity I’m trying to articulate. My brother, whose retirement passion is street photography, captured it, neither young nor old nor in between but something like the same as always.

AGE_0883

photo by Al Doerksen

7 thoughts on “Same as always

    • When I read your post this morning, just after I’d posted mine, I had to smile, because in your opening you’re saying more or less the same thing! Sounds like our minds were flowing in the same channel this week! Thank you!

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  1. Thanks so much for your post, Dora. The brilliant colours & vibrant joy-filled writings sparked my spirit/energy levels just now when I was feeling blue about the possible outcome of our provincial election today. Now I feel much better–ready to face the day, keeping my eyes open to unanticipated joy & happiness which life may bring to me even as I go to cast my first vote ever in our “new” home province. Leona

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Poppies and umbrellas – your colorful, insightful description of age disappearing – “in the self where life seems known most deeply, age mixes and plays or simply disappears” – is so beautiful! Thank you for expressing this in a way that adds perspective to this stage in life.

    Liked by 1 person

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